“Do any of you feel pain anywhere?”

I scan my body for a quick second and tell him no. My mom says yes though.

“Would you then be interested in a free healing?” The guy asks.
My mom eagerly jumps on the opportunity wide-eyed and takes a seat, while I stand observing and waiting.

I then see a young girl looking at me and starts walking my direction. She comes up to me and says she sees the color blue around me and asks for my name. Trying to be polite, I give her my name and ask for hers.

“There’s something gracious about you, like a dancer. You’re very beautiful.” She tells me.

I tell her thanks for the compliment and get reminded of an old classmate weirdly just yesterday who wrote to tell me that I’ve become quite good looking lately, “Not that you were ugly before. Just, wow.Like geez, what do you respond to that? Note: he has a girlfriend so I believe he was acting through kindness. It felt kind of weird being called attractive two days in a row, no matter how genuine the thought might be.

I turn, looking at my mom seeing how the healing is going. The man performing the healing speaks english and there’s another guy translating between them. Mom tells them she’s got pain in her neck, and the guy concentrates his hands around the area.
I ask the girl if she heals people too.

She shakes her head, “No, I don’t heal. God does that.” I shouldn’t be surprised by the answer, still I am.

“How do you mean, you’re the one performing it right?”

“I don’t do anything. God uses me and does the healing through me. God acts in me, he’s in us all… How about you, what do you believe in?” I don’t like where this conversation is going.

I skip going into detail of my beliefs and confirm to her that I do believe in something bigger than me. I think I handled that well.

She goes back to pointing out my graciousness, “I get the image of you on skates and you dancing… Do you dance?”
Keeping the conversation going I tell her that I don’t skate and that I would very much like to be a dancer but that in this lifetime it’s very unlikely thanks to my stiff joints. Even yoga didn’t help as much as I wanted.

“Then God can fix that! God can make you limber! Would you like God to fix your joints for you?”

I tell her I’m skeptic. I do believe in pain relieving, but joint limbering? No. Way.
She’s eager and kind, so I take her offer. Especially when it’s free. 

“Is it okay if I put my hand on your shoulder?”

We close our eyes while God heals me through her.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

We’re a stone throw away from Stockholm, Sweden, in a suburb called Solna. I’ve taken my mom to explore the Body & Spirit Fair. In a place filled with precious gem stones at every corner, oracle cards and clairvoyant people, I feel quite at home and open to explore.

I would have found the world of magic on my own, but my mom introduced it to me at an early age – tarot cards and pendulums was a part when growing up – and it’s one of our few shared interests. Only a handful of people knows this about me.

I grew up Catholic and was forced into Sunday school. Until the first day of my third year, a young missionary couple was set to lead the class instead of a nun, and made us kids go out on the streets with placards calling out “Jesus loves you!”
My mom and her friends was sitting at a café, as soon as they saw that we were the strange kids yelling in the street, they rushed out and my mom took me out of my misery.

After that I don’t remember her ever making it a big deal when I spoke my mind about God. She used to be very passionate about religion and would punish me if I ever showed any disrespect to God.
I don’t know if it was me or something else that changed her mind about Catholicism, I remember quite vividly the day she turned to me and said “You were right all along.” She’s always felt a strong pull to mysticism and the unexplainable, and I guess her lost faith in the Church was much because of contradicting views.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

“So how was the healing, does your neck feel better?” I ask my mom.

“Not yet, but I felt electric stinging where he put his hands!”

We walk around until I spot a booth where they do Aura picture and reading, which I’ve always wanted to do.

I take a seat, putting my left hand on the aura sensor, I look straight into the webcam.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

It was during my years of depression that made me ponder on big questions about life and be much of a young philosopher, though I didn’t feel a great connection to all the famous philosophers before me. Most of all, I didn’t  feel a great connection to humans, and to this day I still feel alienated. I’m a natural analyst and I see patterns and answers like others don’t. My curse has always been that I think too much, but my gift and savior is that I can disassemble and put things together and still see the beauty of it. Much the reason why I decided to not leave this place too soon.

I’ve later gone back to researching about all the different religions in the world and got very fond and accepting of their place among people. The common thread is always: what the Ego can’t make sense of  is a direct threat and should be depressed. Even though I may think different in most cases, I respect whatever thinking makes other people happy – unless it’s hurting them or someone else.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Aura Picture

Blue.

Your aura changes depending on your state, mood and conflicting energies, so the readings aren’t always accurate, but I wanted to try just for fun.

She told me that having my aura very close to my body was a good sign that I’m not sipping energy through or letting myself become affected. I’ve been working hard lately on my sensitivity – to not become a mirror of other’s feelings – and I guess this must be the result of that. I’m much more calmer and balanced now.

The photograph made me think of the girl I met earlier, “I see the color blue around you.” And blue was the color I very much was expecting to see.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

I remember my friend borrowing me the book “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle, when I was fourteen. It wasn’t as much of an awakening for me as it was an affirmation of my thoughts and beliefs. It could’ve been my own words, but being so young, explaining my world view wasn’t easy and still isn’t as it develops.

Since my awakening, I’ve created my own Trinity that I believe in and that makes sense to me. Everything is built upon these pillars: The Universe, Light & Life. They are not only external energy but an internal source.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

chrysocolla

What you’re looking for will always reveal itself.

Blue. Magnetic. Attraction.

You’re there. In every shade of blue and emerald there is. But I’m unsure.
I cross your table twice more, before pulling up my phone to check if you’re the gemstone I’m looking for.

Chrysocolla: teaching stone and stone of communication.

I loved you the moment I set my eyes on you and here you are in a perfect palm sized egg shape. Just the shape of you I was looking for.

I send my thanks to the Universe as I pay your worth to become my.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

I resented religions for a long time because I couldn’t apprehend the way they teach one to pray.
There’s no need to pray to an external source when the source is You.

What religions do wrong is teach people that there’s someone else beyond them who has the control.

This makes people distance themselves from their own true powers and feel as if they don’t have any responsibility in their choices and actions. This is why people do awful things or don’t do enough.
I hear in every one of our wishes that we’re not praying to God, but when we pray we pray to Ourselves to make the right choices.

But when you don’t know your powers as a half God, how will your life ever change in the direction you want it to? 

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

What seems as a small tip of an iceberg, holds so much more under the surface.

The woman snaps with her fingers around our energy field, then she stops. Sitting quietly with closed eyes for a few seconds, she looks like she’s trying to interpret something internally.

“I get the image of a girl sitting and writing in a journal by hand and her door is blocked, like she’s shutting something out…”

I had asked for an Aura reading, expecting to hear about my personality traits, but this seemed to develop into something else, much deeper.

“Do you have issues with your father?” She asks. “I really feel like this is all about your dad? You’re shutting him out or you don’t want him near you. It’s almost like you’re angry that he’s in your territory.”

A bit chocked from the unexpected information, I confirm her thoughts but tell her that I’m not angry.

“Are you sure? Because I feel as if this girl is angry. It’s really dark.”

I tell her I wrote to him, but I never posted the letter.

“I just feel like silence should be enough after so many years.”

“You should write to him and tell him how you feel and how negatively he affects your every time, because it’s draining a lot of energy from you. You may say you’re not mad, but a lot of your energy goes to dealing with it. Just be short and tell him to step away. It’s really necessary that you do so.”

She sees me getting agitated by the talk about him and my heart is beating faster now. She puts her hand on my chest. Tells me to breathe. I calm down, and realize she’s right.

Before I go I ask, “Should I write to her too?”

“Yes, do that.”

She gives me a hug and we part ways.

aragonite star cluster

A little later we’ve almost gone through the whole fair.

“I bought you this!” My mom catches up with me. “It’s from Morocco.”

She holds up a small brown cluster-like stone. After the daddy-talk I think she wanted to cheer me up somehow with a piece of my fathers origin. I may have issues, but I take pride and curiosity in my exotic ancestral side.

“And what’s its name?” I ask.
Impulsive mommy forgot to check that. So we go back to take a picture.

Aragonite Star Cluster: The Conservationists’s Stone, aids earth healing and emotional healing.

Not a stone I’d pick for myself, but knowing things don’t just land on your lap without a reason, I felt a sense of value in it.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

All life is different dimensions of the same thing. When you see it in this way your control over the external is lost and it becomes much easier to concentrate on your own dharma.

As we make up different paths to form one line, we don’t need to look elsewhere except to Ourselves for guidance.

We all have our unique position.
You’re exactly where you need to be. You’re experiencing exactly what you need to experience.

Let it be.

 ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Indigo Angel Oracle Cards by Doreen & Charles Virtue

After a B-Schooler sparked some interest doing weekly oracle card readings, which I enjoyed and were always very accurate, I went to look for some tarot cards for myself.

Oracle cards works in terms of Law of Attraction: you attract the right card with the right message.

After a long thought, deciding between the Goddess or Mermaid deck, I felt a pull towards the Indigo Angel Oracle Cards by Doreen & Charles Virtue. It’s specially made to assist Indigos in their life mission and other areas in their life, and it’s a beautiful deck with silver linings – probably a conscious choice of them.

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

On our way home my mother feels the tension and pain around her neck has disappeared. I’m still left to discover if I’ve become any more limber.

Reviewing the day through my camera, I feel it may be time to reveal this side of me more.

As the world’s consciousness expands, I don’t feel like I have to hide anymore.